The million dollar question: can boys and girls ever just be friends?
The million dollar answer......I don’t have it. But I do have my opinion.
This is a touchy topic, and one that I know most people have an opinion on. My answer to this question is simple. No. They cannot.
Now, of course, I have one exception to this rule. Guys and gals cannot just be friends...if in any way, they are physically attracted to one another.
The premise is simple. Not every person of the opposite sex you meet and create a connection with, you’ll have feelings for. In fact, quite the opposite is true, in my opinion. Most of the people you meet, you will not have romantic feelings for. Some will become your greatest friends, strongest allies, and greatest confidants, and yet, you will never consider them to be any more than just your friend. Why is this? Because you are not sexually or physically attracted to them.
Think about it. When you meet someone new and begin to forge an association, do you not consider if they could be a potential match for you? Of course you do! Be honest. Every time you meet someone of the other sex, you consider whether or not you could see them more than an association or a friend. Sometimes, this process is innate, fast, and takes no time. Nope. He’s as old as my grandpa. Nope, she is kind of rude. We go through this process in our minds and in the end; a person emerges into one of two categories. Category one is friendship or association. Category two is potential.
I’m not advocating that you’ll be in love with a “potential” or be super interested in them. I’m just saying that if there is any physical attraction there, the person has potential to be more than just your friend. I’m not even saying that you’ll be SUPER attracted to the person (they don’t have to be your Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie), just that there is SOME physical attraction to begin.
So then what happens? You become friends with that person. That’s fine. I’m also not saying that the friendship is not sincere. It is....but still, I think that if at any time there is potential or physical attraction between two people, even if they are just friends, there will always be a degree of jealousy, possessiveness, curiosity, or interest between them.
Now, a refutation to my theory is this: in order to be in love with someone, you also need an emotional connection. I agree with this though. I’m just saying that friends have emotional connections to.... psychological and intellectual connections as well. So what differentiates a friend and a lover? A person you emotionally connect with and a partner?
That’s physical attraction.
When Harry Met Sally....go rent that movie. This movie deals with this topic in the best way.
Disclaimer: I am completely aware that people reading this blog may be interested in someone of their own sex. In order to make my blog comprehensively flow well, I only address women and men as potential matches. That being said, I do mean to include gay men and lesbian women in my posts. All of this still applies to you!
The million dollar answer......I don’t have it. But I do have my opinion.
This is a touchy topic, and one that I know most people have an opinion on. My answer to this question is simple. No. They cannot.
Now, of course, I have one exception to this rule. Guys and gals cannot just be friends...if in any way, they are physically attracted to one another.
The premise is simple. Not every person of the opposite sex you meet and create a connection with, you’ll have feelings for. In fact, quite the opposite is true, in my opinion. Most of the people you meet, you will not have romantic feelings for. Some will become your greatest friends, strongest allies, and greatest confidants, and yet, you will never consider them to be any more than just your friend. Why is this? Because you are not sexually or physically attracted to them.
Think about it. When you meet someone new and begin to forge an association, do you not consider if they could be a potential match for you? Of course you do! Be honest. Every time you meet someone of the other sex, you consider whether or not you could see them more than an association or a friend. Sometimes, this process is innate, fast, and takes no time. Nope. He’s as old as my grandpa. Nope, she is kind of rude. We go through this process in our minds and in the end; a person emerges into one of two categories. Category one is friendship or association. Category two is potential.
I’m not advocating that you’ll be in love with a “potential” or be super interested in them. I’m just saying that if there is any physical attraction there, the person has potential to be more than just your friend. I’m not even saying that you’ll be SUPER attracted to the person (they don’t have to be your Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie), just that there is SOME physical attraction to begin.
So then what happens? You become friends with that person. That’s fine. I’m also not saying that the friendship is not sincere. It is....but still, I think that if at any time there is potential or physical attraction between two people, even if they are just friends, there will always be a degree of jealousy, possessiveness, curiosity, or interest between them.
Now, a refutation to my theory is this: in order to be in love with someone, you also need an emotional connection. I agree with this though. I’m just saying that friends have emotional connections to.... psychological and intellectual connections as well. So what differentiates a friend and a lover? A person you emotionally connect with and a partner?
That’s physical attraction.
When Harry Met Sally....go rent that movie. This movie deals with this topic in the best way.
Disclaimer: I am completely aware that people reading this blog may be interested in someone of their own sex. In order to make my blog comprehensively flow well, I only address women and men as potential matches. That being said, I do mean to include gay men and lesbian women in my posts. All of this still applies to you!
Gee Kiran, I see you spending lots and lots and lots of time with Jeremy....So are you in love with Mr. Wookey or do you find him nice, but physically repulsive?
ReplyDeleteRegarding physical attraction being a detriment to "just being friends" -- I think it depends on whether or not physical attraction is the main thing that gets you talking to someone else.
ReplyDelete'Friendship' is, in many ways, an umbrella terms; there are usually lots of reasons as to why friendships are formed betweeen the opposite sexes, and finding someone physically attractive may be one of them. But if physical attraction is just a minor reason and takes a backseat to, say, interests, then it doesn't really work against the friendship if it happens to be so low on the scale.
Hilarious comment james.
ReplyDeleteVery well thought through comment Zac.
As for me, girls and guys as "just friends" not possible! At any point if the thought 'what if' crosses your mind, even for a split second, sober or otherwise, you are not "just friends".
I think most girls(or maybe guys too) learn this the hard way, you think you are friends and then they want it to be more. Its tough sometimes to make a decision without someone getting hurt.
Great idea for a post.
Really got me thinking, I will bring this up at work. Seems like an ongoing all night conversation for Earls on Saturday night :)