Heartbreak numbers

As I sat today at lunch with my Cre-comm gal pals, I stopped to ask one of them how things were going with a guy I know she’s been involved with for awhile. I know they have a rocky history and things have been tough for her in the past with him. Recently, she’s confided in me that he’s confessed to her the thing she’s been waiting to hear for years; he really wants to make it work.

Now, even as she has been telling me that she’s been trying to fight his constant advances and she knows (based on his history) that he isn’t the guy for her, I can still see that glimmer of hope and excitement in her eyes every time we talk about it. I try to ask her about it as often as I can, even if it’s just to be the nagging voice in her head that reminds her how amazing she is and that she must not give in to his incessant advances.

Then again, I understand her happiness with the situation. She is finally on the winning side of this relationship. She had the upper hand. He is begging her to get back together. And although, I am, of course, advising her against it, I am still happy she is getting her closure on the issue.

Back to today at lunch. I ask her how things are going since the last time we discussed the topic earlier this week. She looks at me, frustrated and angry.

“Oh, Kiran,” she says. “It’s all gone to hell. He struck again.”

I ask her for details and it is revealed that she just found out that he is now, once again, behind her back, talking suggestively with one of her friends. Now, to give my readers some context, he had previously snuck around with a friend of hers and lied about it. Repeat the scenario now. She knows what’s coming.

My heart sinks. Again? Really? Even I was hoping this boy had finally changed and learned his lesson. Alas, do they ever?

This brings me to the topic of today’s post. The player and his numbering system.

My friend told me that she knows, in her heart, that although he recently told her she is the one he wants to be with, he is also talking to many other girls at the same time as her.

I know many other people who have experienced this same scenario. Actually, one of my close friends is a “player,” in that he is often involved with one girl he really likes, but talks/flirts/hooks up with up to three or more on the side at the same time. When I ask him why he does this, his reply is usually the same.

“I guess, Kiran, it’s because I can.”

Do I think players can be good people? Sure. Do I think they have hearts and are capable of love? Probably. Do I know a lot of them and call some my friends? Yes. Do I hate their numbering system? With a passion.

So what is this numbering system? It’s simple. The player often has one girl they are genuinely interested in. She’s his number one. Then they have a series of other girls who fall below the number one. The hot chick. The smart girl. The texter and so on. These girls get their own subsequent numbers based on what needs they fulfill for the player. In a nutshell, the player really likes his number one, but when he doesn’t get what he wants from her, he moves on to number two, or three, or four, or five.....

I told my friend to call her “player” tonight and to end things. The fact of the matter is, even if for one second we are to assume that he isn’t cheating on her with her friend, he’s done it before and her instinct is to think he’ll do it again.

She doesn’t trust him. It’s a vicious cycle, she needs to get out.

And let me say one more thing on this topic, one I’m actually very familiar with. To those players out there and to any people who are involved with them, you shouldn’t be a number on their scale or list.

It doesn’t really matter if you’re their number one.

The point is that there’s a scale in the first place. And you deserve to be with someone who ONLY wants to be with you. You deserve someone who is willing to stick by you to work on the issues you two are having. Not one that moves on to the next person who gives them what they want when things aren’t going well.

Moreover, you deserve to be with someone who is obsessed with ONLY you. Who is addicted to your smile, the sound of your voice, the thoughts in your head, and the ideas in your heart.

Someone who is in love with you through and through. And only you.

Because this is one thing I know for sure.

You shouldn’t be his number one.

You should be his only one.