= in love?

So I got to thinking this week after talking to a few of my friends (also known as my sounding boards...thank you!), is it possible to have a relationship in which both people feel the exact same way about each other? As in, they love each other equally? Or will one person always have stronger feelings than the other?

I think that falling in love is a subjective experience. It’s different for everyone and often, why we fall, when we do, and how we do is all indicative of our personal experiences or past. It is determined by what we know about love, what we want from it, and what we’ve been through before. So it is possible that two people can meet in the middle point in a relationship and having gotten to that point by different paths and with different histories, I do believe that it is possible that they feel differently for each other and that their feelings do not “=”.

That’s where my question comes about. If one person in a relationship feels more for the other (ie, likes the other person more than they like them), is this fair? Is it possible to have people who feel EXACTLY the same for each other, ie equally for one another?

I think it is possible for people to feel exactly the same way for one another, in some instances. These people are incredibly lucky. I always say, one of the greatest gifts in life is to love....and be loved in return.

But for everyone else, I’m sure you’ve all found yourself in that position before. Either you’ve been Person A, where you’ve been head over heels for someone and that person hasn’t felt the same way for you. Or you’ve been Person B, where you’ve been with someone and although you have feelings for them, you know they like you more than you like them.

Which person would you rather be?

I would actually rather be Person A. I know this isn’t the obvious answer. Why would I want to be in love with someone who didn’t love me as much as I loved them? There are a few reasons. First, I think to feel that kind of intensity for someone, that kind of passion, and love, is a gift on its own, even if it isn’t reciprocated. At least I’ll know what I’m capable of feeling in the future and will not settle for mediocre. And secondly, if I was in love with someone who I loved more than they loved me, honestly, I don’t think that relationship would last. I have too much self-respect and dignity; some might even call it pride to stick it through that long. So I’d have my feelings, but if I felt they weren’t returned, I’d bail.....which might leave me with a broken heart, but at least I’d experience true love.

Person B....although at first glance and long term, it may seem like this is an ideal situation to be in, having someone dote all over you, I actually think it’s kind of stressful. Person B would probably be plagued with guilt over the fact that they’re with someone who cares for them so much more than they do for them. It’s overwhelming. More than that, I think Person B would also wonder..... am I settling? Why don’t I feel as strongly for this person? And I haven’t reached the same amount of intensity for this person as they have for me, am I settling? I wouldn’t want to have to ask myself those kinds of questions.

Then again, Person B could develop stronger feelings for Person A and it could all work out.

But in case it doesn’t, I know it’s not the typical answer, but I’d rather be Person A....because I know I’d get out. But If you don’t know that, maybe stick with being Person B.

Of course, the right answer to this love debacle is this:

Love= Person A = Person B= a gift.

Happy belated Valentine’s Day!