Unrealistic Expectations about Love

I found myself sitting in the theatre a few weeks ago watching the movie “The 500 days of Summer” for the second time ( I went with two different girlfriends who were going through a rough time with guys. If you haven’t seen the film yet, go watch it) and agreeing with some of the PIVOTAL messages in the movie.

I found myself nodding aggressively as the narrator described exactly where the main character Tom’s ideas about love derived from. As the movie described, Tom thought that love was exactly what he was taught to believe by the mainstream media. His idea of what love is came from movies, music, cheesy love songs, Valentine’s Day customs, advertisements, billboards, commercials, greeting cards, and every day lovey-dovey images of love that the media presents us with. In the movie, Tom feels duped. Does that perfect, all encompassing, amazing, wonderful, indescribable, and passionate love even exist? Does anyone really feel it? Or is it all a gimmick? A marketing technique designed since the beginning of time to capitalize on this need we all have to feel special?

A heavy question indeed. One that I’m sure as the weeks pass, I’ll explore more and more. Today’s topic of conversation however is not what my definition of love is...that will come later on....but instead, where my ideas of that “ideal love” come from in the first place.

Answer? Movies. Most people argue that love stories and romantic comedies portray a “perfect love” in an ideal way. I am physical proof that this is true because my expectations about love come from movies as well (as unrealistic as they may be).
I enjoy Hollywood films. Who doesn’t cry when in Titanic Jack watches Rose go down in the lifeboat as they both cry, the fireworks blasting in the distant sky, and the haunting music echoing in the background? Sob. So very tragic. Great scene.

Or what about the scene in My Best Friend’s Wedding where Julia Roberts and Dermot Mulroney go on a Chicago boat cruise and she has the opportunity to tell him that she loves him but ultimately doesn’t? The moment just passes her by. Who doesn’t cry alongside her as the best friends dance to their song?



As much as I like Hollywood movies, I will admit that my true expectations about what love is and should be have come from the Bollywood movie industry. Bollywood is the Indian film industry (also known as the biggest film industry in the world, it surpasses Hollywood by quite a lot). There is one movie in particular that has shaped my “unrealistic expectations about love” and I would recommend it to you all. The film in particular, Dilwale Dulhunia Le Jayenge, was released in 1995 when I was only 7 years old but I will never forget the first time I watched it and how it made me feel. Since then, the movie has become the longest running film in the history of Indian cinema. In fact, it still plays in some theatres in India today.

The story is about a girl named Simran who lives in London with her loving but very traditional parents. She’s just finished college and her parents are beginning discussion about getting her married to the son of an old family friend from back in India. Simran is horrified, she respects her family and Indian customs and culture but she has secretly had an amazing fantasy that one day, instead of having an arranged marriage, she will marry the man of her dreams. She hasn't met him yet but she is a hopeless romantic and believes that her soul mate is out there...Crushed by this arranged marriage, Simran still eventually but reluctantly agrees to her parent’s wishes. What happens then when as a last hoorah before leaving to get married in India, Simran takes a trip through Europe with some friends where she meets Raj, a bad boy with a great heart?

Here’s a little scene from the film that sums up why I adore this movie and EXACTLY what and where my “unrealistic expectations of love” came from. In this scene, Raj and Simran have been separated from the rest of the group while travelling through Europe and have had to spend the night in a hotel before catching a train to meet up with their tour group the next day. Raj takes Simran out drinking for her first time and the next morning when she wakes up in his bed, everything goes horribly wrong.



I think it’s pretty evident in this clip exactly why this movie has helped shape my definition of love. Even when things are less than ideal, love seems to be perfect, ideal, passionate, supportive, kind, unconditional, and just very lovely. Is this the case in real life? Stay tuned to find out!