Love and a crush on the side

A few times in the past couple of weeks, this very topic has arisen between me and some of my classmates. Girls that are in relationships/are in love with their boyfriends but currently have “crushes” on other guys. I’ve recently done some research on this topic, because it is one that I am so unfamiliar with. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll know that I am completely against the idea of being with one person but having feelings for another (ie acting on those other feelings/cheating). That being said, I actually completely understand where these women are coming from.

It is very easy to judge women who have great partners, spouses or boyfriends that are loving, kind, generous, and supportive but still have feelings for other guys. If your partner is so lovely, then how can it be that you have a “crush” or have feelings for another person? More importantly, the real question is, if you do have these other feelings, does that mean that you aren’t really in love with the person you are with? Is that relationship wrong for you? Does that mean that you subconsciously are not happy with your partner?

What heavy questions. And I’ve thought a lot about this topic since it was brought up to me. The hopeless romantic Kiran would say, if you can have feelings for someone else while you’re with your partner, then you shouldn’t be with your partner in the first place. Something is missing.

The more analytical Kiran has thought about it and is torn. I also believe that at the end of the day, these feelings are natural. Think about it. The world is filled with men and women; it is inevitable that throughout your life, there will be many people who you have been intellectually, emotionally, or physically attracted to. Society tells us there should only be one, and perhaps there is only ONE person who is best suited for you (your soul mate perhaps), but that doesn’t mean that you will never feel anything for anyone else.

Think about for a few minutes. Imagine couples who have been together for years and years. 60 years, let’s say for the sake of argument. Do you think that in those 60 years, they never felt anything for anyone besides their spouse? I doubt it.

I think what’s significant about this topic is what you choose to do with those feelings. I do believe people emotionally cheat and that it is not the best decision. That being said, relationships take work and effort. Nothing is perfect, no relationship, small or big is always easy.

It is important to remember two things. One, not every relationship is perfect and two, it is normal to have other feelings for other people from time to time. The way to judge whether or not you are with the right person is whether or not you are willing to put the work into your current relationship to make it work.

Remember, whoever you are with, you are CHOOSING to be with them for certain reasons, and if those reasons are enough to keep you with them, that’s where you belong.

So to all my girl friends who are conflicted, my advice on this topic is this: if you are not happy in your relationship, get out. With that said, it is normal to have to work to make a relationship work, and it is normal to have a “crush” on someone else (not emotional cheating though….there is a line, you know the one I’m talking about!)…..This is a time for you to evaluate why you have chosen to be in the relationship you are in and whether or not those reasons are still enough for you. Who knows, perhaps it will be a chance for you to evaluate your current relationship and realize what you have in it and gain a new appreciation for it (could make it stronger?)

There is a scale of what is appropriate. A tipping point perhaps. A crush is a crush...but you must be fair to the other guy, your partner, and even to yourself. If you are SERIOUSLY conflicted or unsure one way or the other, please, think a bit harder about the topic. Emotionally conflicted is not the same as having a crush.

If you don’t cross the line into emotional cheating and have decided that the relationship you are in is worth the effort, don’t worry about the small crushes you may develop here or there. It’s normal.

What do you guys think!?

School assignment: In the Chamber 2010: Last Men

Last night, I went to see Theatre Projects Manitoba’s In the Chamber 2010: Last Men and aside from one redeeming quality of the play, I disliked the experience so much, it is doubtful that I’d ever go back.

To begin, I will admit that I was running on only about 5 hours of sleep and after a 12 hour day, I was not particularly up to going to a play for school. That being said, I still did not get much from the two performances.

In the Chamber 2010 is a play consisting of two 50 minute sets. Both are directed by Sarah Constible and the first was performed and written by Gordon Tanner and the second by Stephen Ratzlaff. The first set, Last Man in Krakendorf, consisted of Tanner expressing his disdain at a video camera he was to send to Warren Buffet. In this set, he spent 50 minutes describing his anguish over the horrible mistreatment of animals, in particular hogs. The second set, Last Man in Puntarenas, consisted of Ratzlaff at his retirement dinner giving a speech in which he discusses the misery that is his life, including the death of his son and the divorce from his wife.

The one redeeming quality of the play was its acting. Both actors were superb. Passionate and emotional, I could feel their struggles as I watched them display agony at their lives. I have always had an appreciation for theatre. Having worked in the film industry and having been on numerous movie sets, I sincerely feel there is much more pressure on theatre actors. Their timing must be completely right, their lines memorized, and their acting must be perfect on the first take, otherwise the moment will have passed them. These two men were superb at their craft. Although both were clearly character actors, I did enjoy watching their passion, listening to their voices, and watching their faces change as their emotions did.

Unfortunately, the acting was the only thing I enjoyed about the play. I found the content to not only be a bit boring, but even more poorly executed in terms of the writing. I understand that the actors wrote the plays themselves. Actually, Ratzlaff was one of my high school substitutes and he mentioned Balmoral Hall School Girls in his monologue.....which made me wonder, if he wrote this, and that part is true, is this entire piece true?

Other than that, the content was presented in such a fast fashion, with terminology that was difficult to follow. As a result, I felt lost within the first ten minutes of the first set, and although I did catch up and understand the overall message of set 1, I never did enjoy the experience. Set 2 was better for me in terms of content. I felt bad for Ratzlaff as he described the death of his son and how it lead to his entire life collapsing, but, again, the set went on far too long, seemed to drag, and was redundant in content.

The mood in the room was one of acceptance. The audience laughed at the jokes, although I did not find them that clever. Overall though, I would only recommend this play to people who know the actors, or are super interested in the content of the play because otherwise, the entertainment value was close to invisible. There was not much in the play to keep my attention, get me excited, fuel my passion, or evoke my emotions.

As a result, I would not return to watch the play again.
That being said, if you are interested, tickets are $20 for adults and $15 for seniors at 8:00 p.m. tonight at the Rachel Browne Theatre (211Bannatyne at Main Street).

My Guiltiest Pleasure

It is that time of year again. The time of year when Kiran sits down to watch TV. Now don’t get me wrong, I love TV just like the rest of the world. But sometimes, when life gets busy, the first thing that goes in my life is the television except of course when this one show is on, the Bachelor/Bachelorette.

I’ll just admit it; this show is my guiltiest pleasure. Now, I want to clarify something before I begin, I am fully aware that it can be disrespectful, condescending, sexist, and degrading towards women/men. Perhaps it is not the most feminist show, and I will admit, I do experience severe cognitive dissonance while I watch. That being said, I watch it for a few reasons. The first is because I am, of course, a hopeless romantic. Obviously, I believe in true love, enjoy watching it come about and therefore, this show is an opportunity to see, albeit amongst some heartache, true love flourish. Moreover, I like watching the show because even though the show’s producers are mastermind editors and try to make you think one thing when really something else is happening, I am often right when I pick the final man/woman standing.

For example, once there are about 8 contestants left, even if the show’s edits make it seem like the person isn’t a contender, I can tell who the final people will be....and I always get the winner right. Call it intuition, call it hopeless romanticism, I know my stuff.

I hear a lot of criticism about how the show is fake, no one is really in love, and nothing lasts. Perhaps true, especially in many of the cases (such as Brad W. picking neither of the two final women, Jillian not picking amazing Reid, or Jason picking Melissa and then switching to Molly), there has been one case on this show which sums up pretty much why I still watch the show....

Trista and Ryan. Trista was on the original season of the Bachelor and was the runner-up, as in Alex, the first Bachelor, did not pick her. She returned later as the Bachelorette, and I still remember watching this season. Side note: for some reason, the Bachelorette seasons have always been more successful. The couples last longer so I recommend that if you are going to start watching, you begin there.

Anyways, back to my story. The guy no one thought she’d pick, Ryan, stood on the sidelines and won over her heart. He was shy, quiet, strong, confident, a firefighter and a poet at the same time, and I was his biggest fan from day. It was lovely watching their love story evolve, and even in the end, when everyone thought she’d pick Charlie over Ryan, I knew Ryan had to be the one. And he was. Today, the couple have two children together and seem quite in love.

So here’s to the real thing, this show may not produce amazing love stories all the time and its intentions may not be pure, but I watch today, a hopeless romantic, with hopes that one of those couples will beat the odds.

How lovely!

On another note…Public Relations, the Pseudo-event.

This week in Public Relations, Melanie introduced us to the term “pseudo-event.” According, to dictionary.com, a pseudo-event is “an event that is staged primarily so that it can be reported in the media.”

Melanie then asked us to think of any examples we had of this so-called-event. I racked my brain for any events that I could think of whose sole purpose is to garner attention.

It came to me. A classic example of this kind of event is one that occurred not too long ago. Popular media named it the “bBalloon Boy Hoax.”
The Balloon Boy Hoax:

In mid-Oct.2009, according to world media reports, in Collins, Colorado, Falcon Heene, 6, was set adrift in a home-made air balloon.

Or was he? Heene’s parents, Richard and Mayumi, claimed that their son had floated away in a helium balloon. The world watched as the balloon travelled over 50 miles and 3 counties until it finally landed near the Denver International Airport. Authorities rushed to the scene and discovered the boy was not in the balloon after all. It was feared that the boy had fallen out of the balloon until later on that day, when he was found to be hiding in his home instead.

Eventually, it was determined that the entire incident was a publicity stunt doctored by the boy’s parents to receive media attention. The young boy was even quoted to say, "you guys said that, um, we did this for the show," in response to being asked why he was hiding while being interviewed on Larry King. The parents faced a series of felony charges and both mother and father were sentenced to time in jail.

For me, this is one of those moments where I wonder if this actually happened. Did these people actually think they would get away with this? Did they consider how their children would be affected by the ordeal? And what will come of the family now?

Back to School Cool

The second semester of Creative Communications has begun and already, we’re in full gear. The Projector editor interns are well on their way (it’s actually pretty fun, a great group of people!), classes are in full swing, and Christmas is over.

I spent my holiday vacation sleeping, visiting with friends and family, taking a trip to Ottawa and Montreal, meeting up with an old Australian friend, and enjoying my down time. It was lovely. But now, school is back, which can only mean one thing. My blog is as well. Expect great, interesting, and exciting stories about life and love in the New Year! Here goes round two!